Update

So I have a little update on yesterday's blog post.

I started to look into payday loan consolidation, and the more I read, the more it made sense. They negotiate with the creditors, get interest rates lowered and get payment plans in place.

I got a reply from a query, the person sending me the information urged me to research other companies and find out what they could do (always a good sign - when any professional balks at a second opinion, I run, when they encourage it, I almost feel like it's a sign from God).

I had planned to suck it up this month. I asked my father to let me slide on money I give him each month. He agreed. I called my car loan company and asked them for an extension, it's still pending, but even if it's approved, only principal is waived for one month. Will need to pay interest and the full amount next month, but it's a help. I was still going to be underwater.

I slept on it and decided it was the right move. I called the consolidation company this morning and the woman asked me why I was waiting a month. I explained to her that I thought since it was already close to the end of the month, I had missed my opportunity. She explained that most of their clients call right before they get paid and they realize they are in trouble and they could help.

I quickly sped over to my bank to make arrangements - the person who helped me was wonderful. Non-judgemental, understanding, we bonded over running (we're both running in the Philadelphia Marathon - her the full, me the half). She helped me block payments, change accounts, begin the process of getting my house in order.

When I returned to the office, I faxed over the paperwork to the consolidation company, and as I understand it, they are already calling my creditors and faxing over letters.

It all feels too good to be true.

My internal pessimist wonders if it is. I'm holding my breath, but I feel like a weight has been lifted. I huge $6k one.

I've vowed to live within my means. No more loans, cash only. This can't happen again, it won't happen again. Much like my weight and exercise, I need to be healthy financially.

Austerity is the new black.

Dirty Laundry

It's dirty laundry time.

As I'm sure most of you have figured out, I'm an idiot. A big old dumb idiot, always have been, but over the past 2 1/2 years, I seem to have gotten dumber.

It all started when I was promoted. That promotion came with a kicker, my nice bi-weekly paycheck suddenly went to monthly. I scrambled, but still needed to cover the bills. I discovered this great new way of covering my expenses, just a few hundred.

Pay Day Loans

For those of you who have heard of them, I'm sure would you physically slap me upside the head for falling into this trap. For those of you who haven't, let me serve as a cautionary tale.

Basically, they are high interest loans, meant to be paid back on your next payday, in my case, 30 days later.

No problem, I thought. Better days will be here soon.

2 1/2 years later, I'm in a shitload of trouble. I mean big, old heaping mess of shit to the tune of $6,000+ and I'm trying to figure a way out. I was told pay increases were coming, and I found out today what that number actually meant - it came out to roughly $25 more a week. Yeah, not helpful.

As of this month, my outgoings are $1000 more than my incomings if I don't take out (yet another) loan. I am determined not to do that.

I'm begging, scrambling and basically in a tizzy, none of this is actually helping.

Just need to vent, share what's on my mind. I'm working on a way out, I'm just scared, sad and feeling stupid. Just another day in the life of Beth. Yay!

Tomorrow

This week has been a bit of a repeat of the Memorial Day debacle. Lots of eating, and eating of the wrong things, and not as much exercise as I would have liked given that amount of eating.

Tomorrow is weigh in day - the albatross around my neck.

That said, I’m ready for it (it being WW tomorrow), and I’m working on getting myself into a better place than I was last time.

Last time I faced my fear – a big gain, I lost it, and then some, the next week. In fact, I lost even more in the following weeks, to the point where I wasn’t sure that the numbers were real – meaning really “me”.

Tonight, I’m trying to get myself into the space I was the first time I saw the scale go below 140, let alone 135. I’m expecting a 2 pound gain, if not more. Yeah, I was “that” bad on 4th of July (and the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 5th - hey, it’s our Nation’s Birthday, I have no kids, and even Richard Simmons says you should have a piece of cake on your kid’s birthday. Seeing as I have none, I was eating cake for the country, and let me tell ya people, that’s a lot of cake. A lot.).

In a non-scale victory related front, I had a major victory. I ran in a 5k I had vaguely entertained entering the past 2 years it was held. On the 4th of July, a hut, humid, generally muggy day, I managed a 3.1 mile road race (up and down hills, the last part up) in 24 minutes, 12 seconds; a 7 minute 47 second mile. For those of you who don’t run, that is huge! 7 months ago, I ran a race hoping to come in under 12 minutes per mile. My mind was blown.

Of course, I reacted to this news by eating ¾ of a bagel, a soft pretzel, ice cream, lots of diet bread, and la piece de resistance, my buddy, peanut butter. Oh, and lots of water, some turkey and fruit. But mostly junk. Because why else do you work out?

Guess what? I didn’t freak out (ok, freak out for me…I did go on a 90 minute walk that afternoon, but that was more to occupy myself with something that didn’t (a) incur calories or (b) cost money).

I’ve clearly come a huge way , in my mind, – I never would have entertained running the entire length of a 5k, let alone in under a half an hour, one year ago today. So what if I’ve gained a pound or two (or three)? Been there, done that, bought the tee-shirt. I can lose it, and I will.

So there inner voice. Fuck you. I’ve got this.