My sister worships at the altar of Jillian Michaels. She faithfully watches The Biggest Loser and is currently into the newest series, Losing It With Jillian. Me? Not so much.
Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be trained by Jillian, although I'm pretty sure I'd try to sit on her as a method of retaliation at some point during our sessions, but I can't get into weight loss as entertainment, and I'm pretty into Reality TV. You name it, and unless there is a housewife or an orange Guido on it, I've probably seen it. But watching something that is a real battle for me? Not so much.
The weigh in alone fulfills one of my biggest nightmares, being practically naked on national television getting on a scale. Seriously, why would I want to see that played out on a weekly basis?
I've seen most of the regular cast on various talk shows - Jillian, Bob, Alison - and they all seem likable. Perhaps the four of us could wolf down some cheese fries and cocktails. OK, perhaps not. The point I'm getting at is that my aversion to the show has nothing to do with the regulars.
Weight loss is personal and fraught with emotion for me, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. I'm not plus size because I'm lazy or because I eat bad food, but because of other things (although I am at times lazy and eat bad food). I'm an emotional eater - piss me off and I won't yell at you, push or shove you. I'll go home and take out my frustration on pizza, potato chips or mac & cheese. When I'm sick, all I want is comfort food. Nothing says "feel better" like pastina with egg and plenty of salt. When I'm sad I want to cry into my beer - sometimes literally. Getting on my sneakers and hopping on the treadmill or going out for run is not my first thought.
So now that I'm back on the wagon, I need to rework my coping mechanisms. This isn't my first time at the rodeo, I've done this before - four years ago I spent so much time out running my feet were two massive blisters. A day without muscle aches was a rarity. I was named "The Biggest Loser" at my gym. I also wound up being treated for an eating disorder.
Clearly I need to find a middle ground. I need to figure out expressing my emotions and not eating them, stuffing them down or running away from them. While doing that on TV may help another person, I don't think it would help me.
So since I'll never benefit from Bob or Jillian's expertise, or get encouragement and feedback from Alison, I'll need to find my own way on my terms.
I don't have the answers, but I do have a plan and TV isn't part of it.
Unless I can get on Survivor...pretty sure that witchetty grubs and rats would be a sweet weight loss plan.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Here We Go Again
I'm sure I'm on some kind of wall of infamy at WW HQ for the number of times started.
Mark yesterday as attempt 126.
I've been on Weight Watchers on and off for over 19 years now. I've been through exchanges, Fat & Fiber, 123 Success, you name it, if it was introduced since 1991, I've worked the program.
I've had good leaders and bad ones. Good buddies and lack luster ones. Through the years I've found that the best motivator is myself and my own demons, sometimes a little too motivating.
Yesterday was D-Day. I've had that date marked on my calendar for a few months now. Blame the mailer I got from WW offering $10 a week for Lifetime Members as long as they rejoined by June 28. Of course I had to push it to the very end.
So, as usual, I waddled in yesterday, hopped on the scale and gave them my money. I think I say it every time I do this, but the scale was at its highest point EVER. I had my last blow out yesterday as well. (I look at joining day as a free day, program starts the following day). Bacon & cheddar omelet with hash browns for breakfast, chicken sandwich with bacon and cheese with a side of fries for lunch and a spinach calzone for dinner washed down with plenty of full calorie beer.
Today, walking the line. Of course it's only noon, but I'm in for the long haul. I've joined a gym I've studiously avoided. I'm taking Alli as a kick start (the side effects are killer if you go off program).
I'm also going to try something new - having a life. In the past I've been a monk when I've changed my eating habits (read: dieted). I didn't deal with the pit falls of going out and seeing friends. I was an exercising machine. I also abused my body in the process. That can't happen this time.
So here I go again, name back in the log books at Weight Watchers, hunting for my ratty exercise clothes, scheduling workouts back into my day.
Sigh.
Mark yesterday as attempt 126.
I've been on Weight Watchers on and off for over 19 years now. I've been through exchanges, Fat & Fiber, 123 Success, you name it, if it was introduced since 1991, I've worked the program.
I've had good leaders and bad ones. Good buddies and lack luster ones. Through the years I've found that the best motivator is myself and my own demons, sometimes a little too motivating.
Yesterday was D-Day. I've had that date marked on my calendar for a few months now. Blame the mailer I got from WW offering $10 a week for Lifetime Members as long as they rejoined by June 28. Of course I had to push it to the very end.
So, as usual, I waddled in yesterday, hopped on the scale and gave them my money. I think I say it every time I do this, but the scale was at its highest point EVER. I had my last blow out yesterday as well. (I look at joining day as a free day, program starts the following day). Bacon & cheddar omelet with hash browns for breakfast, chicken sandwich with bacon and cheese with a side of fries for lunch and a spinach calzone for dinner washed down with plenty of full calorie beer.
Today, walking the line. Of course it's only noon, but I'm in for the long haul. I've joined a gym I've studiously avoided. I'm taking Alli as a kick start (the side effects are killer if you go off program).
I'm also going to try something new - having a life. In the past I've been a monk when I've changed my eating habits (read: dieted). I didn't deal with the pit falls of going out and seeing friends. I was an exercising machine. I also abused my body in the process. That can't happen this time.
So here I go again, name back in the log books at Weight Watchers, hunting for my ratty exercise clothes, scheduling workouts back into my day.
Sigh.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
About Last Night
BATS is finis.
I drove, I paid and I got a peck on the cheek like you'd give your Aunt Mildred. I was home by 8:15.
Thank God for my friends - they had to spend most of the night trying to drag me out of my rejection depression. But booze, dancing and seeing idiot boys act like, well...idiots was fun.
Onward and hopfully upward. I just wish I hadn't spent a month acting like an idiot for someone who clearly doesn't deserve me.
I drove, I paid and I got a peck on the cheek like you'd give your Aunt Mildred. I was home by 8:15.
Thank God for my friends - they had to spend most of the night trying to drag me out of my rejection depression. But booze, dancing and seeing idiot boys act like, well...idiots was fun.
Onward and hopfully upward. I just wish I hadn't spent a month acting like an idiot for someone who clearly doesn't deserve me.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
5 Second Update
OK kids, I'm really trying hard to keep up with this blog, so here's quick update so I keep the writing going.
BATS and I are going out tomorrow night. Not sure if it's a date (I think it is) or just two friends getting together. Let's hope for the former, shall we? I have to keep telling myself he's so shy he makes me look like a screaming party animal, and his social skills are fairly limited. Why do I find myself attracted to him? He's nice, funny, loyal, knows his beer, can cook (!), is good to his mama and despite being a Republican (with a capital C for Conservative), opposites attract I guess. He also gets my McKenzie Brothers references - I mean seriously, the man's seen Wicked Brew.
However, I'm not giving up on the on-line dating, although match.com is losing some of its luster. I've met a guy on e-Harmony who seems pretty cool. We like a lot of the same things (he shared his music cache with me last night - I was impressed with the overlap). Despite the fact he lives about an hour away from me, I think this one could have legs. More to come.
Met up with old colleagues tonight from BearingPoint (the one employer I'll actually name on Pinot since they've gone out of business). Surprised myself by having a good time - got to catch up with folks I hadn't seen in almost three years, and am looking forward to the next get together!
On a more sober note, East Norriton Township Police Chief John McGowan is being laid to rest tomorrow. He was a good friend of my father's and it is always unsettling to see one's father so shaken up as my dad was when he learned of Chief McGowan's death. He had survived two bouts with cancer to lose his life in a motorcycle accident, leaving behind a wife, two sons and two grandchildren in addition to his parents. He was 58. May he rest in peace.
BATS and I are going out tomorrow night. Not sure if it's a date (I think it is) or just two friends getting together. Let's hope for the former, shall we? I have to keep telling myself he's so shy he makes me look like a screaming party animal, and his social skills are fairly limited. Why do I find myself attracted to him? He's nice, funny, loyal, knows his beer, can cook (!), is good to his mama and despite being a Republican (with a capital C for Conservative), opposites attract I guess. He also gets my McKenzie Brothers references - I mean seriously, the man's seen Wicked Brew.
However, I'm not giving up on the on-line dating, although match.com is losing some of its luster. I've met a guy on e-Harmony who seems pretty cool. We like a lot of the same things (he shared his music cache with me last night - I was impressed with the overlap). Despite the fact he lives about an hour away from me, I think this one could have legs. More to come.
Met up with old colleagues tonight from BearingPoint (the one employer I'll actually name on Pinot since they've gone out of business). Surprised myself by having a good time - got to catch up with folks I hadn't seen in almost three years, and am looking forward to the next get together!
On a more sober note, East Norriton Township Police Chief John McGowan is being laid to rest tomorrow. He was a good friend of my father's and it is always unsettling to see one's father so shaken up as my dad was when he learned of Chief McGowan's death. He had survived two bouts with cancer to lose his life in a motorcycle accident, leaving behind a wife, two sons and two grandchildren in addition to his parents. He was 58. May he rest in peace.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
What's Cookin'?
In honor of the fact that today was the first time in a long time I've actually made a meal from scratch, I thought I'd share the recipe with you. It may sound gross, but it's quite delish'. It can be doctored up with onion, garlic and/or oregano. I prefer to keep it simple with just salt and pepper.
This is a family fave, passed down from my paternal grandmother who was not a great cook, and despite the original name, Italian Delight, she was not Italian, nor is there much in the recipe to suggest an origin in Italy.
So, without further adieu, I present what I have renamed Ghetto Casserole:
3/4 pound ground beef
1 1/2 cups uncooked elbow macaroni
1 can tomato soup
1/2 cup corn (canned or frozen - fresh may be good too, but I've never tried it)
8 oz Velveeta
Salt
Pepper
In a pan, cook ground beef, cooking it as you would for tacos. Salt and pepper to taste. Drain fat, set aside.
In a pot of boiling water, cook the elbow macaroni until tender. Drain and add the cooked meat, corn, tomato soup and Velveeta. Stir until mixed. Season as desired.
That's it - like I said, probably sounds gross, but it's quite tasty. The beauty of it is you can play with the quantities adding meat or macaroni if you prefer one to the other. It can be prepared in advance and reheated although I prefer it freshly made.
I believe the original recipe called for onion, and perhaps oregano (thus making it Italian), but it's long gone by now. I've looked on Campbell's and Kraft's websites and they don't have a record of it. For all I know, it originated in the mind of my grandmother.
Give it a try! I'll post another recipe next Tuesday.
What are you having for dinner?
This is a family fave, passed down from my paternal grandmother who was not a great cook, and despite the original name, Italian Delight, she was not Italian, nor is there much in the recipe to suggest an origin in Italy.
So, without further adieu, I present what I have renamed Ghetto Casserole:
3/4 pound ground beef
1 1/2 cups uncooked elbow macaroni
1 can tomato soup
1/2 cup corn (canned or frozen - fresh may be good too, but I've never tried it)
8 oz Velveeta
Salt
Pepper
In a pan, cook ground beef, cooking it as you would for tacos. Salt and pepper to taste. Drain fat, set aside.
In a pot of boiling water, cook the elbow macaroni until tender. Drain and add the cooked meat, corn, tomato soup and Velveeta. Stir until mixed. Season as desired.
That's it - like I said, probably sounds gross, but it's quite tasty. The beauty of it is you can play with the quantities adding meat or macaroni if you prefer one to the other. It can be prepared in advance and reheated although I prefer it freshly made.
I believe the original recipe called for onion, and perhaps oregano (thus making it Italian), but it's long gone by now. I've looked on Campbell's and Kraft's websites and they don't have a record of it. For all I know, it originated in the mind of my grandmother.
Give it a try! I'll post another recipe next Tuesday.
What are you having for dinner?
Monday, June 21, 2010
I Lied
Alright, one more post about my love life. Actually, it's a post about a post.
Comments are welcome on the entry from Saturday. Am I too picky? Not discerning enough?
Any hints, tips or suggestions from those of you who have escaped from the trenches?
I'm thinking about speed dating if I can find one that has an event out here in the suburbs. I'd go into Philly for one of Hurry Dates's events but I think the amount of alcohol I'd need to get through the night would double the entry fee. It's a heck of a lot cheaper to cab it back from a local hotel/bar.
Feel free to email me privately!
Comments are welcome on the entry from Saturday. Am I too picky? Not discerning enough?
Any hints, tips or suggestions from those of you who have escaped from the trenches?
I'm thinking about speed dating if I can find one that has an event out here in the suburbs. I'd go into Philly for one of Hurry Dates's events but I think the amount of alcohol I'd need to get through the night would double the entry fee. It's a heck of a lot cheaper to cab it back from a local hotel/bar.
Feel free to email me privately!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
For the Last Time...
Even I am getting sick of reading about the tragic state of my personal life, so this is going to be the last blog about my foibles on match and eHarmony (for a little while at least - and by a little while that probably means a week or two).
I've found some interesting opinions among my friends. Some think I'm being too picky - whether it be age, location, hobbies or occupation. Then some think I'm insane for going down this road of on-line dating in the first place. Others offer no such opinion and accept this journey that I'm on. The minority think I'm perfectly within my rights to be picky (they tend to also be single).
Maybe I'm too picky, but I do have some criteria, and I don't care if it makes me hypocritical or a bitch, but I'm going to put them out there, not only for those of you who care, but for the universe. My ideal man:
1. Will want children - or at least hasn't closed the door to the idea of them
2. Will be under the age of 45.
3. Lives in the Commonwealth of PA
4. Is single (never married, divorced or widowed - but under no circumstances will be considered a bigamist if we were to take off and go to Vegas tomorrow to get married)
5. Has a job or has been employed within the past 2 years (bad economy exception). If he is currently unemployed due to circumstances beyond his control, he is actively looking for a job.
6. Does not live in his mama's basement. Yes, I know this is hypocritical considering my living situation, but I'm a girl and I'm allowed to apply different standards to boys.
7. Will not unload his tale of woe in the first email to me - or on the first date for that matter. I don't lay out my baggage in my profile or in introductory emails and I keep it to myself on the first date, I expect him to as well.
8. Has read a book in the past year that he wasn't forced to read because of work.
9. Finally, "gets" my sense of humor
Am I bitch? Maybe, but my friend J yelled at me the other night that I'm not confident enough, and I think that confidence needs to come along with standards.
While I'm at it with one last hurrah, I have another gripe. Apparently us full figured girls aren't on anyones hit parade. News flash boys, we all want a boy with The Situation's abs (just the abs in my case). Oh, and a boy with a full head of hair, or at least the ability to grow one. I'd like to be able to describe myself as a 5'6" blonde with a flat tummy, boobs the size of flotation devices and an IQ to rival Bill Gates. But, in the words of Mick Jaggar, you can't always get what you want. Seeing as we live in the real world, I'm honest, and I try to punch within my weight class. I'm realistic about the guys still single at this point in my life and who might be attracted to me.
I'd like to see the boys do the same.
True story: I ran across the profile of someone I know in real life on one of the sites I'm on. He weighs somewhere north of 350 lbs and describes himself as husky. OK...no problem - he's a nice guy and while not my type I'm sure there is a girl out there for him.
What bothered me was when I looked at how compatible we are (or how we "match") and when we got to body type, while he falls into what I'm looking for, this full figured beauty is not his type. He is only looking for girls who are: athletic and toned, slender, about average and a few extra pounds. He's not the only one - there are a lot of "full figured" guys who are not interested in full figured girls. I know men can drop a few pounds pretty quickly (one of God's many jokes) and many aren't crippled by body insecurities thanks to Vogue, Allure and Glamour, but c'mon, seriously? Let's level the playing field and make Men's Health mandatory reading for all men.
Boys, give us girls with a little junk in the trunk a chance. I'm cute, funny, smart and have a good job. I'm a loyal friend, a decent kisser (at least, I think so, I've never had any complaints) and my bad singing and insane dogs will provide hours of entertainment. Plus I can order a mean pizza.
Ok. I'm done my rant and leaping off of my soap box. I may have a few sleepless nights trying to come up with stuff to write about that isn't on-line dating related, but I'll do my best!
I've found some interesting opinions among my friends. Some think I'm being too picky - whether it be age, location, hobbies or occupation. Then some think I'm insane for going down this road of on-line dating in the first place. Others offer no such opinion and accept this journey that I'm on. The minority think I'm perfectly within my rights to be picky (they tend to also be single).
Maybe I'm too picky, but I do have some criteria, and I don't care if it makes me hypocritical or a bitch, but I'm going to put them out there, not only for those of you who care, but for the universe. My ideal man:
1. Will want children - or at least hasn't closed the door to the idea of them
2. Will be under the age of 45.
3. Lives in the Commonwealth of PA
4. Is single (never married, divorced or widowed - but under no circumstances will be considered a bigamist if we were to take off and go to Vegas tomorrow to get married)
5. Has a job or has been employed within the past 2 years (bad economy exception). If he is currently unemployed due to circumstances beyond his control, he is actively looking for a job.
6. Does not live in his mama's basement. Yes, I know this is hypocritical considering my living situation, but I'm a girl and I'm allowed to apply different standards to boys.
7. Will not unload his tale of woe in the first email to me - or on the first date for that matter. I don't lay out my baggage in my profile or in introductory emails and I keep it to myself on the first date, I expect him to as well.
8. Has read a book in the past year that he wasn't forced to read because of work.
9. Finally, "gets" my sense of humor
Am I bitch? Maybe, but my friend J yelled at me the other night that I'm not confident enough, and I think that confidence needs to come along with standards.
While I'm at it with one last hurrah, I have another gripe. Apparently us full figured girls aren't on anyones hit parade. News flash boys, we all want a boy with The Situation's abs (just the abs in my case). Oh, and a boy with a full head of hair, or at least the ability to grow one. I'd like to be able to describe myself as a 5'6" blonde with a flat tummy, boobs the size of flotation devices and an IQ to rival Bill Gates. But, in the words of Mick Jaggar, you can't always get what you want. Seeing as we live in the real world, I'm honest, and I try to punch within my weight class. I'm realistic about the guys still single at this point in my life and who might be attracted to me.
I'd like to see the boys do the same.
True story: I ran across the profile of someone I know in real life on one of the sites I'm on. He weighs somewhere north of 350 lbs and describes himself as husky. OK...no problem - he's a nice guy and while not my type I'm sure there is a girl out there for him.
What bothered me was when I looked at how compatible we are (or how we "match") and when we got to body type, while he falls into what I'm looking for, this full figured beauty is not his type. He is only looking for girls who are: athletic and toned, slender, about average and a few extra pounds. He's not the only one - there are a lot of "full figured" guys who are not interested in full figured girls. I know men can drop a few pounds pretty quickly (one of God's many jokes) and many aren't crippled by body insecurities thanks to Vogue, Allure and Glamour, but c'mon, seriously? Let's level the playing field and make Men's Health mandatory reading for all men.
Boys, give us girls with a little junk in the trunk a chance. I'm cute, funny, smart and have a good job. I'm a loyal friend, a decent kisser (at least, I think so, I've never had any complaints) and my bad singing and insane dogs will provide hours of entertainment. Plus I can order a mean pizza.
Ok. I'm done my rant and leaping off of my soap box. I may have a few sleepless nights trying to come up with stuff to write about that isn't on-line dating related, but I'll do my best!
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