Goal!

Today is the day I’ve been waiting for – I got to goal weight (actually a little under) at Weight Watchers. Last week was satisfying as well – last week marked the date I was once again “Lifetime in Good Standing” and didn’t have to pay the weekly meeting fee, but today is really the day that marked a victory for me. Not Mission Accomplished, that actually will never happen, but getting to just under goal weight is a victory.

Why will it never be Mission Accomplished? Well, honestly I’ve never been able to sustain weight loss for more than six months. People who have known me for a long time know that I’ve done this before, but I’ve lost the plot and have found myself back at the beginning, and discovering that the finish line was further out than before. I can’t let that happen this time. Mission Accomplished means I’ve died at 105 years old weighing less than 143 pounds. Mission Accomplished can be on my tombstone.

I have no idea how I am going to do this.

I have a “contract” on a site called StickK, where you set a goal, parameters and ramifications. For me, I chose stay at or below 143 pounds (the weight which makes me Lifetime in Good Standing) by this time next year. I must weigh in weekly and at or below 143. If I skip a weigh in, or come in at, say, 143.2, I pay $5 which will be donated to a charity not of my choosing. My father, who frankly is one of my biggest doubters, although I don’t believe he recognizes this, is the referee. I have him in this role more so I can prove to him that this time will be different.

It will be different because it has to be.

It was too hard this time. I’m 36, getting close to menopause (closer than I was at 21) and losing is more difficult. My skin is saggier. My muscles know the drill and are less reluctant to obey.

I tried to do it differently this time. I have a wider support system. I’ve invested a great deal of cold, hard cash that I don’t have to invest. I’ve tried to be more forgiving of myself. I’ve not always been successful, but I’m proud of the fact that I’ve taken breaks and gotten back on track. In the past I’ve just thrown in the towel. Five years ago, I never could have taken a two week break from WW and exercise and just gotten back into the routine before it got out of control. Five years ago I would have said “Fuck it, pass the cheese fries”. I’ve had two instances of binge and purge. The first time I went into the aforementioned two week spiral. The second time I woke up my mother and told her. I went to WW anyway and dealt with the resulting gain from water retention and food I didn’t expel.

Keep me honest here friends. Help me stay on track. Tell me how I can support you and your goals. You have all supported me, I want to pay it forward.

Just don’t ask me to support you by joining you in a competitive eating contest, ok? 