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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Real Housewives of Norristown

Dear Bravo,

I’ve been watching the previews for years now, The Real Housewives of Orange County, The Real Housewives of Atlanta, The Real Housewives of New York City, New Jersey, Washington, and now Los Angeles.

I’d like to propose that you look at how “real people” live, and share with you my proposal for The Real Housewives of Norristown.

No, seriously, don’t look away. I’d like to present the cast – Jen, Jenn, Sherri, Aric and Beth (yes, I’ve cast myself – do you have a problem with that?). Feel free to imagine our cocktail dressed selves (well, except for Aric) doing the Bravo-promo hip check/reposition thing.

Jen, 24, is my friend Renee’s partner. Works at a local supermarket and is a cool chick. She provides the 20-something POV along with guest-Housewife Shannon.

Jenn, 35, is a wife and mother of two. She works in the Real Estate industry, tells it as it is and has been my friend for over 30 years.

Sherri, another long time friend. She’s a wife and mother of five, including a newborn, and runs a day care business out of her home. Her kids range in age from 17 to less than one week old (at least as of this writing).

Aric, the first Househusband. Classified himself as “a stay at home dad with no kids” before he and his wife adopted their now five month old daughter. He is also a Renaissance man and inventor.

Beth (me, duh!) in the vein of Bethenny Frankel of RHONYC, 35, single, career girl, chronic singleton and has a relationship with all of the other Housewives.

Hi-jinks will ensue. I guarantee it.

I await your reply Bravo.

P.S. And to those of you named, I hope you don't take offense. There are few people I want to be photographed with, let alone captured on video. I'd use pseudonyms, but where's the fun in that?

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Training Day(s)

What the hell was I thinking?

That’s what I was thinking, somewhere around .75 of a mile, the dance mix of Jennifer Hudson’s version of “And I Am Telling You” blaring from my iPod as I trotted down Colonial Avenue, up-hill toward Farm Park, on my most recent training run.

As I mentioned on Facebook, I’m registered for the Lemon Run on November 14 (benefitting Alex’s Lemonade Stand – I’m also looking for sponsors, if you haven’t sponsored me, and if your budget allows, please do so – here’s the link http://www.alexslemonade.org/mypage/69338).

As you can see, I’m taking this whole body transformation thing quite seriously. I’ve joined a gym, hired a trainer and am doing a 5k on November 14 (3.2 miles for those of you not into the metric system) four days after I turn 36.

I’m not going to sugar coat it, the training has been tough. Literally blood, sweat and tears, along with vomit and blisters. It’s not easy getting a 230 pound body back to 135 pound shape. I’m generally lazy and impatient – I want instant results with minimal effort. While that may have worked when I was in 6th grade English class, that doesn’t hold true to physical fitness as a 30+ old woman. To date I’m down 31.2 pounds, 5.5 points of BMI and 62.4 pounds away from my goal weight of 135.

I’m having running shoe issues (had a fitting at one store, spent $100 on shoes that gave me blisters, exchanged then for another shoe that gave me more blisters), endurance issues (thanks ragweed allergies and asthma) and the above mentioned general disposition to laziness.

I won’t lie, there are days I want to say f**k it and go get a 10 pack of McNuggets and a large order of fries. I’m trying really hard to fight the urge. As I write this I’m sipping on my 4 oz of white wine (2 points) and bag of Jolly Time Healthy Pop Kettle Korn (1 point) and hoping for a better, more positive, day tomorrow.

Please keep sending me positive vibes and happy thoughts. I know I can do this!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Distance

I’m not a marathoner. Never have been, and I’m not just talking about running.

I’ve always been a short-term kind of person. I know I’m not unique in that I want results now.

I knew when I started on this weight loss journey that I wouldn’t shed the weight overnight. I knew it would take me a long, long time to lose the 95 pounds I’ve gained over the past 2 and a half years. There would be long hours at the gym, a lot of weighing and journaling of food and times when I wouldn’t see the results despite working (literally) my ass off.

Days like today, hell weeks like this one, make me want to throw up my hands and get some chicken fingers and french fries for lunch and wash it all down with a cold, non lite, beer.

I guess it all started on Monday – I was getting ready to take a bath and against my better judgment I hopped on the scale, yes, at night, and shocker, wasn’t happy with the number. Then I caught a glimpse of myself, in all my naked glory, in the full length mirror on the door. Rationally I know I’m better off than when I started almost three months ago. I have a dorky spreadsheet that tracks my progress….29 pounds down, 4.5 points of BMI lost, but at times it’s hard to see it. Still, I tried to brush it off and move on. I went to spinning on Tuesday, and took last night off from the gym since I hadn’t had a day off from exercise in almost 10 days.

I made the mistake of weighing myself this morning – the number was lower than last Friday but it was a reminder…a reminder I still have roughly 65 more pounds to lose. Then I went into work, my hair down and freshly flat ironed, makeup carefully applied (I even wore lipstick!) and went to have my picture taken for our company directory.

Thanks to the wonders of digital photography, I got to see the pictures. My heart sank. Who is that fat girl? Why do I look like a contestant on RuPaul’s Drag Race?

There’s a part of me that now really wants to say screw it and eat whatever I want for lunch – maybe a fried chicken cutlet on crusty bread that’s been calling my name. Or a basket of chicken fingers. Maybe a cheese steak.

Then I remember tomorrow is weigh in, that I packed a salad, and that this is marathon, not a sprint.

So I need to brush off the bad picture. Remind myself that I’m in this for the long haul, and I can’t let one (or four) bad picture derail what I’ve accomplished.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Off to the Races

I've been talking about it and now the deed is done. I've signed up for a 5k, the first in over a year, in order to give myself a real goal.

Back in my thinner days, I regularly ran the equivalent of a 5k every day on my treadmill. I didn't do any cross training and went to Curves three times a week for strength training. It shouldn't have come as a surprise to anyone that I eventually injured myself and couldn't run. The depression crept in along with the pounds.

Last year I attempted to get back into the game and again was sidelined. There were a lot of reasons, most of them mental and some of them physical, that caused me to not be as successful as I would have liked. I had signed up for a 5k and while I finished, it wasn't satisfying in that "Yay me!" kind of way.

Over the summer I decided to do an overhaul. Going to a gym, working with a trainer and, of course, doing Weight Watchers. I'm mixing up my cardio with spinning, the stair master and yes, running. My endurance isn't where I would like it to be, but I'm working on it along with everything else.

So, four days after I turn 36 (aack!) I'm going to run what I hope will be my return to racing. A little older, hopefully a little wiser. My expectations are low, I just want to finish, hopefully without barfing. Wish me luck!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Like Julia Roberts, But Fatter and Less Toothy

Sadly, I didn't go to Italy, India or Indonesia. I didn't have any life changing revelations. I didn't meet any cute boys. Heck, I didn't even use my passport.

I am returning from my own Eat, Pray, Love, although I prefer to call it Eat, Drink, Shop. So while I didn't need my (expired) passport, I did put roughly 230 miles round trip on my car while driving to Rehoboth Beach, Delaware, home of several gay bars (hence the not meeting any boys) and tax free shopping.

I had an amazing time. I had some awesome pizza (Grotto Pizza), some mediocre pizza (Nicola), a night of reckless drinking with my brother-in-law (my liver still isn't talking to me) and got not one, but three handbags. Oh, and 2 flasks, 5 rings, multiple pair of earrings, 3 t-shirts and didn't run one mile despite bringing 2 pair of running shoes and several work out outfits.

I had a personal best at the arcade while trying to win a Spirit Head (still not sure what it is or what it does) for my niece and confirming that if I lived closer to Atlantic City I'd be in even more debt than I already am. We survived a hurricane (Earl), even if it was a wimpy one by the time it got up to us. Watched countless hours of children's TV - is it wrong that I'm completely up to speed on The Suite Life On Deck, and can't wait for the sequel to Camp Rock?

Today I returned to Pennsylvania and reality. The goal for the upcoming week is to get back on the WW Wagon and take my lumps on Friday without getting discouraged. I'm on a great track right now and can't stop now. It felt amazing to put on a pair of shorts I bought at the beginning of the summer and find them loose. I even put on a bathing suit for the first time in almost a decade and wear it in public. I need to keep the momentum going and get back into feeling the good pain.

Hope you all had a great summer and have a fantastic Labor Day!