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Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Grey Matter

I discovered my first grey hair this time last year. I’m not suggesting I starting going grey then, I’m sure it started long before, but up until March, 2008, I was blissfully ignorant. I believed I was coloring my hair because I wanted to, not because I felt I had to. After all, I used to say, life’s too short to have one hair color.

Last night I found more grey. I was brushing my teeth and looking in the mirror at my hairline (in the words of the British, as you do). I’m getting close to my next color appointment and was checking out the re-growth. I had my hair in a very odd, not for public viewing hairstyle after my nightly workout, and I noticed some silver near my hairline. Much to my surprise, I found myself looking for more.

Last year, when I saw that first silver strand, I called friends and family, and marched into the hair salon, asking all the same question - why didn’t you tell me?!?!? My beliefs were shaken. I felt middle aged.

Things feel different now. I’m more aware of the brevity of life. Yeats wrote “What made us dream we could comb grey hair?” I’ve heard of two peers dying this year, and it’s only March – I wonder if they got to comb grey hair. I look at my grey as a badge of honor – as a symbol that I’ve lived – like rings on a tree trunk.

Make no mistake, I still have an appointment to get those suckers covered, but I know they’re there. They’re all mine, and I’ve earned every one them.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Everything I Need to Know I Learned from Wii

I have to thank God for Nintendo, because if it wasn't for this game system, I would not know the following:

1. I'm obese. OK pretty much knew that already. I'm working on it, and that's why I bought Wii Fit. Hearing it in a chipper pixie-like voice doesn't make it any easier to hear. But thanks - now go away annoying little pixie voice.

2. I'm also apparently unbalanced. Physically too. Huh.

3. My weight fluctuates daily. Pretty much knew that too, and that's why my therapist, doctor, Weight Watchers Leader and just about everyone else knows that you shouldn't weigh yourself daily. It took me about 33 years to figure that out, so I guess it's going to take a while for Wii to catch up. Until it does, I'm taking my daily weigh in with a grain of salt. That's progress ladies and gentlemen.

4. Virtual bowling is easy. Tara has taught me that real bowling is hard, especially when you don't have bumpers.

5. Guitar Hero is the great equalizer. I suck at it - pimply unemployed squeaky voiced 14 year-olds are good at it. I have a job and make decent money. They are in the middle of puberty. Therefore, we are equal.

6. I suck at pool, both virtual and real. I'm still not going to stop using it in my flirting arsenal, but it's much easier to flirt with real pool.

Three weeks and I have a wealth of knowledge. Now who says that video games are bad?

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Fantasy vs. Reality

I think I need to get a reality check, or at least manage my own expectations of myself.

I went bowling with my 7 year old niece. Since she views me as her older and much larger peer, we were of course in direct competition. No problem - I started bowling when I was 8, and I was raised by a man who didn't let the fact that he was playing against children ruin his competitive drive, so why should I let the kid win? Yes, I stopped bowling when I realized that bowling balls + acrylic nails = massive breakage, but still...

The reality of today was that I had my ass handed to me by my 7 year old, 4 ft tall 40 pound niece, in front of cute Army guys no less. Did I mention that today was some kind of Army Bowling Tourney at Facenda Whitaker? The fact that I regularly kick ass on Wii Bowling didn't help me, and I might have been better off aiming for one of the lanes next to me instead of the one I was assigned to based on the gutter balls I was throwing.

So, I guess my invite to join the pro bowling circuit isn't going to be in the mail. Until then, I'm going to continue to be Queen of the Wii.

On a side note, I joined Twitter for those of you who need to know what I'm doing every minute of every day. (See? Fantasy: I'm much more interesting than I really am; Reality: I'm pretty boring). For those of you keeping track, down another 1.2 lbs, bringing the total weight loss to 7 pounds. Enjoying "treat" day - small personal pizza with mushrooms and spinach for dinner, Yum!!!!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

StickKing to It

My second weigh in is in two days.

I've been staying on program so far. I had a "cheat" day (still hate the name) on Saturday - a petite vanilla scone from Starbucks (3 freakin points!), and went to a dinner dance on Saturday night. Two words: chocolate fountain. Two more words: cocktail wienies. No, I didn't stick the cocktail wienies in the chocolate fountain, but yes, I partook of both, along with the open bar. The good news is that the rest of the day was in reason, a departure from other social occasions.

Soooo.....Sunday was back to the program, sticking to my allocated points, trying to leave the flex points alone. Did Wii Fit everyday, even if for only 10 minutes, and got treadmill time in twice as of today. Not great, but not horrible - a definate improvement.

I've decided to utilize another tool, one with both financial and social implications. My friend Cheryl mentioned a website back in January in relationship to New Years Resolutions, www.stickk.com. The concept is this: you publicly state your goal (losing weight, quitting smoking, meeting your parter's family), set a time frame, choose a referee, impose a penalty if you don't meet the goal and add supporters.

I opened up an account. I put in my goal weight, what weight I want to end up at and what my penalty will be if I don't meet the goals. The cool part is you can give the money to a friend, foe, charity or anti-charity (the anti-charity works this way, if you're a Republican, and you fail to set you goal, the money goes to the William Jefferson Clinton Presidential Library. There are several options). I decided to be charged $5 every week I don't lose at least one pound, and the money goes to one of several charities the website works with - it only costs me money, not my supporters.

I didn't mention the worst part - my starting weight is out there for my supporters to see. Yeah, that's info I want out there. I also want it to be a thing of the past. For added incentive, I added a before picture that I've suppressed - I've untagged myself on Facebook. That's how bad it is. No, I won't post it here.

So it's all out there now, hopefully as part of my past. If you'd like to be a supporter (and seriously, I can use all of the support I can get), please drop me a line and I'll add you.

4 points left for the day (whoopie!!!) - need to figure out something else to eat - great problem to have!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Cancer Still Sucks

I consider myself a bit of a Subject Matter Expert (or SME in consulting speak) on the subject of British tabloids. I first discovered them when I spied a copy of Heat magazine at Tower Records (RIP) in King of Prussia, with the grinning visage of Robbie Williams on the cover back in 2001.

Since then, I’ve become well versed in the travails of Kerry Katona, her marriage to Mark and her feud with Jordan/Katie Price; the marriage troubles of Cheryl and Ashley Cole; why Fern Britton has alienated many of her fans and I can tell you all about the comeback of Take That – the British New Kids on the Block.

I first read about Jade Goody in 2002, shortly after she became a “personality” on Big Brother, a British reality show that was also adapted in the US. Jade is what one might call “white trash” in the US. Not all that bright (she had ever heard of asparagus) with a big mouth and an even larger personality. She outshone the eventual winner of the series, Kate Lawler (I told you I knew a lot about British tabloids). Her relationship with Jeff Brazier, the man who would father her two children, was headline news. Everything about her was out in the open for all to see – her diets became fodder for workout videos, her life was the subject of a weekly column in Now magainze, even her attempt to earn her driver’s license was part of a reality TV special. She wrote an autobiography in 2006 at the age of 25, and launched two successful fragrances.

In 2007, she entered the Celebrity Big Brother house (basically The Surreal Life for those of you who watch VH1). She and two other house guests sparked a race war, bullying Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty. She left the house in shame and entered rehab to deal with the public rejection.

Her star was definitely in the decline when she entered the Bigg Boss house in August 2008. (Bigg Boss is India’s answer to Big Brother and was hosted by none other than Shilpa Shetty, Jade’s victim who went on to win Celebrity Big Brother.) Jade was in ill health, having suffered a miscarriage shortly after leaving rehab and was undergoing medical tests. Her income was down – her autobiography and fragrances were pulled from store shelves after the race war – and she was hoping for a comeback.

Shortly after entering the house, Jade was called into the diary room, basically a confessional/interrogation room for the contestants. There isn’t any footage of what she was told – but her reaction when she emerged was heart breaking. While in the diary room, Jade was connected with her doctors and was told that she had cervical cancer at the age of 27. I watched the footage on You Tube, and I felt myself getting teary. Watching what should have been a private moment, the aftermath of learning one has a potentially terminal disease, was hard to watch.

Jade returned to the UK for surgery, but not without first giving exclusive interviews about her diagnosis and prognosis, and inking a deal for a reality TV show. I’ll be honest, I was skeptical. I’m not sure if I would be on the phone to the editors of People after getting diagnosed with cancer, but as she pointed out, she couldn’t earn any money while undergoing treatment.

In December a bald Jade Goody was photographed with her two young sons, aged 4 and 5. She said that her prognosis wasn’t great and that she was planning her funeral. She explained that her interviews and TV shows were to earn money for her son’s future.

In February of this year it was announced that Jade’s cancer had spread from her cervix to her liver, bowl and groin, and that her life expectancy was weeks rather than years. A cure was out of the question. She cameras continued to follow her - recording the toll that cancer and chemotheraphy had taken on her body.

Over the years, I’ve been lax with getting my annual pap smear. The excuses have been varied – I’ve got my period, I don’t have time, and, ready for that old chestnut? I’ve gained weight and I don’t want to hear my doctor scold me.

I had my recent pap smear in November 2008 and thankfully, it was normal. I have it on my calendar now to schedule my appointment yearly. I have been eligible to get a pap smear every year since the age of 17, in the UK, only women between the ages of 25 and 64 can get one every three to five years. I’m ashamed that I haven’t always availed myself to this test even though it has been at my disposal. I’ll make sure that I will get one yearly now.

27 is too young to die. For that matter, so is 33. Cancer has had way too much of a presence in my life this year. I owe it to myself, my family and my friends to take care of this body that I’ve neglected.

Joe – thanks again for reminding me how much smoking sucks, and for giving me the strength to resist that desire to puff away. Jade – we’ll never meet, but I thank you for having the guts to live out your remaining days to show what cancer does to someone. Bob – my friend who is recovering from a bone marrow transplant – you will win. You are stronger than Cancer.

Cancer, you are still officially on notice. Game on.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Back in the Saddle

I got back on the treadmill today for the first time in almost two years. I walked for 30 minutes at about 3.5 mpg. Two years ago that was taking it easy. Today? I had a healthy sweat going. Thank God for DVR. Today I had RuPaul's Drag Race going, and I'm stock piling some good TV so I have motivation.

Honestly? This is a bit humiliating for me. In September 2006 I ran in the Main Line 5k. I kept up with my brother in law, who is a 6' 4" prison guard (i.e. he has to run fast for his job). OK, he said that he wasn't killing himself, but I finished seconds after him. My sister said I was an animal.

Today I was pushing it on something that would have been a warm up for me.

I'm trying to approach this logically, not emotionally. I enjoyed my couch potato days - watching Heroes with a pile of Pringles in front of me; going to the movies and getting extra butter on my vat o'popcorn - and trust me, I had many a night of doing just that. Now my TV time is spent with a mug of herbal tea or fat-free olestra potato chips. The weight didn't pile on overnight, and it isn't going to come off overnight, no matter how much I wish it would.

I caved in and bought a Wii and Wii Fit - a great motivator. Between the "oh!" when I get on the board for my daily assessment and the knowledge that I will be asked to account for my whereabouts if I skip a day, I have motivation to spare.

Step by step, inch by inch, pound by pound, here's hoping that there will be less of me in volume, and more of me in spirit.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

So Sad...

If what various news organizations are reporting is true, that Rihanna has "gone back" to Chris Brown, then I'm sad. No one deserves to be abused.

The statistics are scary. According to the American Institute on Domestic Violence, over 5.3 million women are abused each year, and domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women. The average woman suffers from three to five incidents before giving up on the relationship.

I wonder how many times Rihanna has suffered because of an "incident". I wonder if she has blamed herself - I pushed him to far; I knew he was in a bad mood; It was my fault.

Someone close to me is a survivor of domestic violence. From an early age I was told that there is no tolerable level of violence. There is no excuse, there is no explanation.

Mr. Brown is innocent until proven guilty, and I hope that he is; I hope that the events of February 7/8 have been misstated. I'm pretty sure I'm hoping in vain.

Nobody - woman, man, child - deserves to be abused. There is no action bad enough that justifies being abused by a partner or loved one.

I do hope that this wish is not in vain, that Rihanna, and all battered people, realize their own self worth and escape from the hell of domestic violence. There are shelters, there is help. There is HOPE.

Please see http://www.domesticviolence.org/ for resources if you or someone you love is in an abusive relationship.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Back on the Wagon

I bit the bullet and went back to Weight Watchers yesterday. Despite my suspicions that someone has been sneaking into my closet and shrinking all of my clothes, the numbers on the scale informed me otherwise. I’m not gonna share the exact digits, but I am officially heavier than I have ever been. Looks like I’m going to be getting to know the leader and reception staff at the King of Prussia Center very well. Sigh…

Seeing as I shared the menu of gluttonous final days before I hauled myself back on the wagon, I thought I’d share my day one menu.

Breakfast: Egg Beaters with mushrooms, 1 slice of canadian bacon, ½ cup of shredded potatoes and a Weight Watchers English Muffin

Lunch: Salad with mandarin oranges, grilled chicken and raspberry vinaigrette with 2 slices of white bread w/ butter spray. I love my carbs

Afternoon Snack: Weight Watchers Cherry Cheesecake Yogurt, and a cup of Campbells Soup at Hand Chicken and Stars (and no, I didn’t eat them together)

Dinner: Whole wheat pasta with grilled chicken, mushrooms and parmesan cheese with a side of sautéed spinach. Oh, and how could I forget 6 oz of my trusty pinot on the rocks

Evening Snack: fat free potato chips, whole grain pretzels

Next week I’m going to start exercising again. My goal is to be able to run a 5k in the fall if not sooner. I’m also thinking about buying a Wii in lieu of going back to Curves. Does anybody out there use Wii Fit or any of the workout programs?