My junior year of High School, I went through that enduring rite of passage for a lot of teenage girls. I had my very own flaming crush on one of my teachers. He taught English, and it was pretty much love at first site for me. I was roughly as subtle as a Mac truck – I asked for help I didn’t need, hauled my mother to unnecessary parent/teacher conferences and pretty much was around him every chance I got. I look back and am a little chagrined – especially since I didn’t let the fact that he was newly engaged get in my way. Well, that and the fact that any relationship probably would have been a felony.
He was always very kind to me – to say I was a hot mess back then is an understatement. Ok, to be fair to say I'm a hot mess right now wouldn't be an understatement, but I digress. Having uncontrolled depression in the midst of teenage angst bullshit is no picnic for anyone. But, of course me being me, I mistook that kindness for interest. If I had a free period, I did a slow walk by his classroom. If I had to stay late at school, I walked by the department to see if he was still around. I was bummed the days he wasn’t in school and we had a sub.
He moved on to another school after my junior year and being the tone deaf teenager I was, I attempted to keep up communications. Cringe.
Being the tenacious dork that I am, I did some digging a few years ago and found his email address. Under the guise of the reunion I was organizing, I emailed him, just to say hi. I think the 17 year old that still lurks inside me was secretly (way secretly hoping) that he’d tell me the marriage didn’t work out, that I was (of course) the love his life and that we’d run away together to England (why England? Well why not. It’s my fantasy damn it) together. To my surprise, I didn’t get a restraining order in the mail – seriously, I was that subtle back in the day – I’m sure I scared the shit out of him. I got a reply back, saying he remembered me and the class he taught. That was it – I didn’t email him back, I didn’t google his home address and do a slow drive by his house or anything else even remotely stalker-ish. For reals.
About a week ago I googled him again, and found that he is a principal at a school in Pennsylvania, and said school has a photo gallery. Curious, I looked and found a picture of him. He was never a stud in the traditional sense when I was actively lusting, but he was the geeky type that even now I pursue. But now? Damn…he’s a 40-something dad. And I’m not talking about Brad Pitt.
I’d like to say I’ve moved on. And yes, I have. I’ve transferred my affections to more attainable ones – I’m sure that Brad is going to leave Angelina for me any day now. Ok, seriously, I’ve realized I won’t be the next Mrs. X. But I’ll always remember him fondly and for being kind to a lovesick teenage girl.
Mr. X – you can lift the restraining order now. Really. It’s cool.
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