As I near my 34th birthday, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and evaluating about my life. I’ve come to recognize some pleasant and not so pleasant things about myself. Yes, I hold on to things for too long, I allow my fears to run my life, I hide behind my lack of confidence and I busy myself with everyone else’s needs. But I’ve also come to see some positives. I have my health, I have a good job, strangely enough, I'm good at accounting :), and most importantly, that I have a wonderful family and great friends.
Over the past few weeks I’ve had some wake-up calls. I was in a car accident around the beginning of the month, and cried and moaned to all who would listen about how unfair it was that I was getting hit with the liability for it, despite the fact that everyone walked away uninjured. Then I found out that the first responder was told that his cancer is out of remission. I bemoaned the cost of health insurance, and I found out an old classmate was losing his insurance despite his battle with cancer. My problems are so small.
For a while now, I’ve joked that I wanted to be known as the spinster with all of the dogs. That I’ve made peace with my life and how it is; so much in fact that I had myself believing it. Now I finally realize that this isn’t enough. I want to leave my mark. I am done with being an observer in my life and am ready to be a full participant.
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