Boys

I met a boy.

Well, to be accurate, I met him four years ago. Since then, off and on, I've been waiting for him to make a move, and figured he wasn't buying what I was selling. Until Saturday night when I got the 411 from a mutual friend that he was extremely shy and most likely wasn't going to make the first move.

Our friend excused himself, and fueled by a mixture of tequila and Bud Light I pounced. At least that's how I like to think of it.

Oh, did I mention he lives across the street from me? Yeah...it's a little complicated.

So now I'm waiting. And thinking. And the thinking is the dangerous part.

Did I come on too strong?

Does he really like me or did he not know what else to do?

What the f*** do I do now?

Of course the good old insecurities have come into play. What am I without them. Do I repulse him, after all, I do look like Princess Fiona but with a slightly better complexion. Was he humoring me when he kissed me back? Do I need to figure out a way to lose 1,000 pounds between now and the next time I see him (which will hopefully be tomorrow)?

Sigh.

I'm pretty sure this why I'm still single. I get hung up by my body, I jump in too quickly, I over think it. Let's face it, I've been crushing on this guy for a while now, so it's a little difficult to not come on too strong, but I also don't want to scare the hell out of him.

I also don't want to get hurt. That's the scary part.

I haven't opened myself or my heart up to love, or even a date for that matter, in a long time. Getting hurt sucks, and I don't want to go through it again.

You know what? Screw it - he's a big boy. If he's not into me, then let him tell me. Until then, I'm going to go for it.

Wish me luck.

I really need it :)