Jobs I've Had

Despite my myriad insecurities, I guess one area they haven’t hit is my “retail” area. No, I don’t mean that I buy size 4 jeans when I’m obviously not, although my body dysmorphia is another blog altogether.

What I mean is the fact that I have a habit of taking on retail sales positions in areas I know nothing about.

Maybe it’s this bad economy or the fact that I’m only getting paid once a month, but in the past year I’ve taken on two part time jobs in retail areas that one might consider my blind spots.

Job Number One – Video Game Salesperson. To be honest, I didn’t seek this job out. When I first realized that my expenses were greater than my income, I reached out to my friends. If I’m honest, I was hoping someone would come back with a clerical position on the weekends. I’m REALLY good at sitting on my ass and acting like I’m busy. Sadly, such a role didn’t materialize. My old friend R texted me that the video game store she worked at just outside of the Philadelphia city limits had an opening. The money was good so I took it. This was a bad decision on so many levels.

Bad decision number 1 – working for a friend. To be fair, my friend wasn’t in a management position when I took the job. A few days before I started, that all changed. My friend who I’ve known since we were 5 or 6 became the store manager. I thought I had it made. Not so much. I love my friend R to death, but as my drinking buddy, not my boss.

Bad decision number 2 - taking a job in a field where the customers are passionate and can smell bullshit a mile away. Bullshit was all I was selling.

Bad decision number 3 – taking a job just outside of Philadelphia. No, not just outside of Philadelphia, the store was literally on the other side of the street from the city limits of Philadelphia. Look, I’m suburban – despite the fact that both of my parents were born and raised in Philly, I have no street sense. Most of my friends are Caucasian, not by design, but these folks are the ones who I grew up with or work with. I love Jay-Z and lip-synch a pretty kick-ass 99 Problems, but that’s as urban as I get. My customers, not to stereotype (although I guess I am) came off of the streets of Philly. Some days I felt like I needed a translator. My friend and manager was practically throwing gang signs while I stood off to the side like a female Lawrence Welk.

So, combining all three bad decisions together, I resigned and went on to Job Number Two – Cashier at a Big Box Home Improvement Store. I’m going to level with you – my motivation was the male to female ratio, which I thought was going to rock in my favor. I had visions of young hot dudes who could fix my plumbing (insert inappropriate joke here) and make a few bucks at the same time. Instead I was planted at self checkout wearing a horrid polyester orange apron being asked about home improvement items that I had never even heard of, let alone knew where in the store they were located.

So now I find myself at another part time gig, one that I’m more naturally inclined to work at. I mean seriously, we sell handbags – how much more simpatico can you get? Yet, I find myself dissatisfied, both with the pay and the level of effort I have to expend to keep the store tidy.

So, as always, I’m keeping my eyes open.

Across the parking lot is a guitar store. I’ve never played the guitar. I know nothing about guitars other than I like Slash and Eddie Van Halen.

I wonder if they’re hiring?