It's Personal

My sister worships at the altar of Jillian Michaels. She faithfully watches The Biggest Loser and is currently into the newest series, Losing It With Jillian. Me? Not so much.

Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be trained by Jillian, although I'm pretty sure I'd try to sit on her as a method of retaliation at some point during our sessions, but I can't get into weight loss as entertainment, and I'm pretty into Reality TV. You name it, and unless there is a housewife or an orange Guido on it, I've probably seen it. But watching something that is a real battle for me? Not so much.

The weigh in alone fulfills one of my biggest nightmares, being practically naked on national television getting on a scale. Seriously, why would I want to see that played out on a weekly basis?

I've seen most of the regular cast on various talk shows - Jillian, Bob, Alison - and they all seem likable. Perhaps the four of us could wolf down some cheese fries and cocktails. OK, perhaps not. The point I'm getting at is that my aversion to the show has nothing to do with the regulars.

Weight loss is personal and fraught with emotion for me, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. I'm not plus size because I'm lazy or because I eat bad food, but because of other things (although I am at times lazy and eat bad food). I'm an emotional eater - piss me off and I won't yell at you, push or shove you. I'll go home and take out my frustration on pizza, potato chips or mac & cheese. When I'm sick, all I want is comfort food. Nothing says "feel better" like pastina with egg and plenty of salt. When I'm sad I want to cry into my beer - sometimes literally. Getting on my sneakers and hopping on the treadmill or going out for run is not my first thought.

So now that I'm back on the wagon, I need to rework my coping mechanisms. This isn't my first time at the rodeo, I've done this before - four years ago I spent so much time out running my feet were two massive blisters. A day without muscle aches was a rarity. I was named "The Biggest Loser" at my gym. I also wound up being treated for an eating disorder.

Clearly I need to find a middle ground. I need to figure out expressing my emotions and not eating them, stuffing them down or running away from them. While doing that on TV may help another person, I don't think it would help me.

So since I'll never benefit from Bob or Jillian's expertise, or get encouragement and feedback from Alison, I'll need to find my own way on my terms.

I don't have the answers, but I do have a plan and TV isn't part of it.

Unless I can get on Survivor...pretty sure that witchetty grubs and rats would be a sweet weight loss plan.