Where It's At

So I'm feeling a little discouraged, even though the logical part me knows it's way too soon.

Let me explain, I had taken myself out of the game for a while. I mean a really long while. Think Clinton administration.

Sad, no?

That's not to say I haven't had the random date, but random being the operative. I've been so wary of being hurt that I've insulated myself to the point ridiculousness, so now that I'm wading back in, I'm overly sensitive.

It's been slightly short of one week that I've been on Match, and much like my friend who expected to be pregnant after one month of trying, I'm impatient. I'm working on it, but patience is not a virtue I have in great supply.

I'm also still licking my wounds from Across The Street Boy. I'm embarrassed, I'm a little hurt (even though I only have myself to blame) and I'm wondering how I got it so wrong. There's a part of me that feels like all of the negative thoughts I have are being affirmed. In a word, my ego has been bruised.

Compounding this is the whole on-line dating process. I've been doing some reverse searches (meaning people whose criteria I fit, rather than people whose criteria I fit) and what I'm finding doesn't thrill me. Today I came across a 60+ year old who I think may be Jerry Garcia's twin. I've "winked" at a few guys and have emailed two - maybe I'm making the fatal mistake of being too honest when I call myself Full Figured (or Big & Beautiful - great options, eh?) and have had radio silence.

I know I'm being too hasty getting discouraged - I think it's a case of the Tuesday Mondays (i.e. the Tuesday after a long weekend, thus making it a de facto-Monday). As I said before, I have six whole months to get rejected. I need to pace myself and find a better attitude.

I just wish it didn't hurt so damn much.